Today, I am not pretending to know the secrets or mysteries of the world. I do know that I had an amazing experience wherein my energy fields were stirred. My fears and freezes were completely challenged and I felt a surge, my heart opening up. I don’t know how deeply into detail I can go in this medium except to share how emotionally intense it is to say goodbye to someone I could not have said goodbye to 11 years ago. And in all those years, I never came close to doing what I have just done.
On Thursday, as my heart swelled and raised, and the warm, warmest sensation came to my chest, tears flowed down over my temples and wet my hair and I laid there with the energy of the healer stirring me. I felt as if he had begun to “connect” my very disconnected system. The concentrated healing energy and the patience poured into me.
And Joshua came to me in my thoughts… it was not really him, do not misunderstand this as a ghost encounter, please. It was rather, feelings for him that surfaced with so much vigor, that my will was completely surpassed. Each feeling for him came to the surface and as I saw each one I confronted it and I accepted it. And as the pressure grew and my heart swelled– a new place on my chest came alive with my soul. It was a very physical place that I had not been aware that I actually was in possession of, a very awake, very alive, soul. I saw, in my mind, my dear departed friend. I told Joshua that I missed him and that he has a place in my heart and I told him goodbye. It was the first time I was able to (or had even dared to) say the word ‘goodbye’ to him.
As the session started to come to an end, my heart felt as if it were lifted. This was concurrent with an obscure but real closeness to an imaginable ‘god.’ A power in the universe that was at once spiritual and guiding. That was at once a wonder that I could not quite, and have not yet, placed in my life. But I have felt and I see the difference between living with my heart lifted, really living with my soul, day in and day out… or what it means, (and it has meant to me) since I have been living very mainly within my head. This difference I have seen and felt, yet I do not fully understand.
So, today, I seek to find the balance between the two and embrace the possibility of doing both with awareness.